#1 - What's the Best Way to Help Someone? w/ Joshua Bingaman
In this episode, I talk to Joshua Bingaman. We talk about discipline, security, finding balance, and so much more.
The best way that I've seen is that you can help someone. And that I’ve been helped by people is by being who you are and being present and being open, whether you're gregarious and all those kinds of things we said, or not the peace that someone brings and the vitality that someone brings by being who they are and not masked by what they think they need to be or should be, or have become out of self-protection or hurt or pain. Part of being who you are is healing and seeking unawareness of right.
Welcome to doing the work. If you're okay with living a boring life with below average results, this is not your podcast. Go ahead and tune out now. But if you want to live an amazing life full of purpose, love, joy, abundance, and elite health and fitness you've come to the right place. This podcast is for people who are ready to stop making excuses and start doing the work that creates a life that they love. I'm your host, eighth and Schindler and airborne ranger turned social worker turned to strength. Coach turned entrepreneur. I've spent my entire life learning how to be uncommon among the uncommon. I found my purpose and empowered people to reach their full potential. And this podcast takes a deep dive into how to prioritize. What matters is to do the work, own your life, maintain compassion and kindness and risk failure while enjoying every moment along the way.
I talk to people who inspire me and share their gifts with me. This is my way of helping you find what sets you on fire and keeps the fire burning. Doing the work podcast is brought to you by striving, strength, conditioning, backdrops, premiere jam that helps you crush it in the gym so that you can be happy, healthy, and successful outside of the gym. Check them out at www.strive backdrop.com. All right, I'm here with Joshua Bingaman. I am so excited to have you on the show. Thank you. You inspire me daily in so many different ways. I mean your energy, the way I see you with people, other people, the type of, just the vibration of love, that you get, like when you're, when I'm around you. And I've seen you in so many different settings I look up to you in terms of what you've done with, with business and with your career. And I love just seeing you with your family, there are just so many different things about you that inspire me and I've gotten to see your, you know, your health and I've gotten to see some things with your fitness. So there are so many things that I think we can share with the audience. So I'm just super pumped to have you on the show.
Oh, thank you. That is very kind. I appreciate it.
Well you know, I like to kind of just start with talking a little bit about how you and I first met. Do you remember our original, when we like, even one of our first conversations? Well, I keep.
Multiple times because it would seem kind of not last second, but we'd just connect and hang out, but helped me with the first time I remember the very first time, the very first one that I can remember is there's, I'm at the gym, I'm a bank coaching and Jesus, a guy who looks just like Jesus walks out to me, looks.
A long hair and a beard and this gray smile. And you come up and say, Hey, you know, I have been working I've I used to work out, but I haven't been working out for a while and I'm looking for a new gym
And it was this fortitude or strike.
Yeah, this was a strike. And right off the bat, you know, we're like, I've been at some other gyms before, and these have been with some of what my experience has been and yeah, I'm ready to get back in the game.
Remember that? Cause when you said that I've pictured immediately, that time we had coffee or that time we talked for a long time on the phone, but those are what I remember off the bat instead of like the first time I come in and I'm all chubby and angry and sweaty when you need to work out again.
Yeah. Well, and then what the birth of a beautiful relationship we've become good friends and we've had all these other experiences together. We've only just begun because it's just been a couple of years.
Yeah. And you've been on duty a good last few months, at least. So yeah, we don't have to go there.
Health & Fitness
No, I mean yeah, that's been part of my experience with life is just things in the world that have happened. They've put me on military duty quite a bit. So being able to maintain our relationship through that has been awesome too. So that's one of the things that I've loved watching is your journey with your, with your health and your fitness. That's been big. Yeah. Where would you say you're at right now and how far have you come and what have been your experiences, with health and fitness?
I'm definitely in the best place I've ever been health and fitness-wise. I have looked back a lot, but especially in the last year at what fitness or health has been for me, I mean, from whether I, it was when I was skating, growing up, but still unhealthy, like drinking and smoking. And, but then even when I was older, I've always had a place in my life for fitness from even when I was sports. If I wasn't eating healthily, I would still be super active. And then everywhere I've lived, I have found a gym to go to. And I think it wasn’t usually nice gyms. Like when I lived in Hollywood, I found the YMCA and I'd literally ride my bike there all the time and just work out in the, and it was old, it was ghetto, it was run down.
And I was always like, why did I do that? I'd find, I'd sit in steam rooms, I'd swim. And there's just always been a release for me. And then coming to Austin, I joined that pure Austin gym. Beto was a pretty good buddy. And then I got a little bit involved with the atomic athlete guys in the very beginning. And ever since then, it was just all on my own. I mean, like going to the gym, I would cycle some with some people, but when we moved out here, I was going to that HT fitness and it was, it was fine. It was great. I got a trainer even just to keep me up to par, but it was pretty arduous and it was two, maybe three times a week. And I was always alone and isolated in it. You know, I just didn't know that people that worked out or would work out with people.
And then when I saw you guys, I was dropping my girls off next door to where the gym is right now for ballet, both girls. So it seems you guys go a couple of times a day in the classes and everybody goes crazy. And I had that mentality of like, that's dumb and those people are crazy. And I've heard about them, not you guys specifically, but people that work out that way. Right, right. But then I've always been extreme with everything. So once you guys got me in and I got on a rower and rode till I was sick, I was like, okay, this is my thing. And literally, except for when I've had to travel, I've gone five days a week for at least two years now.
Where does the drive come from?
And those are a couple of the things that I've really appreciated about you. And as your coach, sometimes you have this drive that is so impressive. You know, you've got this like engine, this motor, and obviously, something internally that like really allows you to like the kind of keep pushing it, you know, as a coach, I think great coaches know there are people and sometimes you gotta like push people a little harder and sometimes you gotta reign people in and you and I have gone across that spectrum you know, over the, over the years. But like, I just love that drive that you have. And where do you know where that's born from or where that comes from?
Whenever I do anything, I'm not like, 110%, but I've always gone. I didn't realize till even getting a little bit older further than kind of what average Joe does, whether it be with working out or business or reading or knowing certain movies and film and music, you know, it's like, I'm not going to just kind of listen to music. I'm going to play it. And I'm going to try and get a record deal, you know like it's xtreme footwear, whatever it is. My brother's like that with theology and education and footwear as well, but where, I don't know, if it's, we grew up in a religious home. And I don't know if I always have this. I even said it today in one of the classes where I was, I don't say this pompously, but I was like passing people and I was adding weight to the tire and I kept getting heavier kettlebells.
And one of the ladies was like, what are you, what are you doing? It's like an anomaly. And I jokingly, automatically said, I'm burning off sins or guilt. I said I have shame from growing up in faith or a God that my shame is about as real as knowing if God is, you know, so I, I think I jumped back to probably a performance-based, and it's not for anyone in particular. I think I hold myself accountable to a level of performance that if I don't reach it, not just in working out in life, I beat myself up. So that's not healthy because I do it even when we've tried to do all these food things and challenges, I'm just now getting to where I'm balancing out. I got to do this for a good reason, not hurt myself. Be at peace, take care of myself for other people like my family. And that's just been, I think part of it is not controlling a drive, but directing what the drive is and finding outlets that aren't detrimental.
Yeah. I can relate to that a lot because throughout my life I've always been like someone who's tried to be a high achiever or someone who's accomplished more than other people. And I think for a good portion of my life a lot of that was born like I wasn't enough, you know, I felt like I needed to feel a hole in my heart where I needed to prove myself to other people. I think a large part of my military career in particular was about that. And what I have been trying to do lately is think about, well, this isn't a way of me getting anything out of this. Like, this is what I'm achieving, but it's my way of giving and trying to find purpose, you know? And that keeps me, cause I used to, with that old way of being, I would crash and burn all the time.
I would achieve work, and then I would find myself in bed for three days depressed, or I just have a complete letdown, you know, and now that I've found more purpose and I've found it as a means of like giving of myself, not trying to find something or take something you know, that's been, that's been life-changing for me, I've been able to be more consistent. I feel energized and not drained, you know? And it sounds like you may be kind of like you're finding some of that for yourself now too . It's like you're retargeting what you're trying to get out of yours.
Yeah, Directing where the flow is going, because it's rapid. But I also, I think part of it has been a challenge for me, I mean, over the last, probably 20 years, like since Sarah and I were married, even accepting limitations and weaknesses. I don't know if embracing them is the right word. I've heard that before, but where it's just like figuring out who you are as part of the process and putting, putting aside images of yourself like I've had this idealized image that over the years I've realized we all change, but that image that I have built of myself, it couldn't be more opposite of who I or what my heart is.
No, it makes total sense. I say that strong suits were like a lot of our strong suits, things that we've created part of our character are born out of what you said, feeling the opposite of, right. If I feel like I'm uninteresting or, or people don't want me, then I might act or create a part of my persona, that's funny and outgoing and, and, and something that's, that is attractive. And if I feel you know, if I feel like maybe vulnerable, I might act strong, you know? And so I think we create parts of our identity because we often feel the opposite.
Yeah. I think it's interesting too, though, what you said that I totally relate to. But things that we've used as, what's the word, not a crutch, but like to protect yourself growing up or from things that you've experienced, what's that word? Do you know what I'm talking about? Where it's like mechanisms, a defence mechanism like that. But I think learning as I've gotten, I keep saying, as I've gotten older, I'm 40 now 41.
When we use those defence mechanisms, we can lose our, who we are ourselves and our hearts and who were created to be in what we're created to be. And even what we really enjoy doing can be lost because you're trying to protect yourself, whether it be from pain or hurt or injuries, not, not physically, but I mean, emotionally and spiritually. And I think with just, I keep saying, it feels like I'm learning so much more every day because I, the further I get away from ego, or how do I think I am or what I think I am or accomplishments, or having three kids now, the amount of Crow that I feel I've eaten, but even in a business where it's like separating your identity from what you do and who you think you are, how you think people see you, the freedom that comes from that is you made me think of it.
When you said, when I came into the gym and I was smiling and loving and wanting to hug people and everything, I'm like, that's me. That is you. And I used to be like, I'm an isolated, tortured artist alone. Nobody understands. And now like, even today in the class, George, you know, the old guy, I love him, but like he came in and he came to me and came in for a hug and it was like, okay, Covance over post breaks. But like, we, it was a real hug. And I was like, can I cuss on this? I was like. Yeah, this is what, this is why I'm here. Like all that with the people and the community and the interaction all day, every day. That's what fuels me.
Well, that's one of the reasons what you just said and who you are and what you represent for me in my own life is exactly nail anywhere. Like when I see you on fire and when I consider being your best, that's who you are, you're this, this welcoming, loving, and energetic person and everyone around you is like, drawn to that. I mean like who you are in our gym community is that you know, the person who you know known for helping to raise the energy, the vibration of the entire room. And it's not like it's, that's when, and it seems effortless for you when I see you in those moments when you're and like being, being who you are. There's no weight on you. I can see there's no way. I love that. And how you give that to the world.
I think seeing we're just going back and forth. Well, I love, you know, but when I see you can tell with people when they're doing, when they're being who they are, literally at the core, like who they created to be, what they're so happy in a place of having accepted life on life's terms. That's what I've heard, but like where you're truly who you are and living from your heart, man, all that stuff I was saying, PR that you were called the defence mechanisms, but these things where it's like, I act different ways in front of different people. This is me saying this objectively so that I'll be liked or accepted or protect myself in these settings and situations. When all that goes away, you're like, wait, this is who I am all the time. And I'm living from my heart.
And if I'm in the right place with the right people, it benefits them as much as it does me. Like, that's the thing I've told you where Tracy's the market, you and your wife, and a couple of partners bought to go down there, I'll be Solon, I'll be holed up at the house and I'll be like, I'm alone. And I'm reading Ernest Hemingway and just all the silly stuff. And then I'll come down there and there are people who light me up and there's like a yolk lifted off of me and high fives and hugs. And how are the kids, you know, and just all these interactions that literally is my fuel? And it's not like that for everybody. But for me, it's like, I always have to remember and accept that when I get in those settings, that's when I am who I am.
What does Joshua want to achieve through his work?
Well, and I think there's like an interesting marriage of all of that. Like, because like you said, you've always you know, used your physicality, your fitness, you know, movement or whatever. And then there's this social capacity. And it sounds like you're finding balance and all of that as, as you're kind of like moving on in life. I'd love to hear because you've accomplished so much. I mean, there's you've, had many businesses as you mentioned, you were in the shoe game and you were in the coffee game, you're in the music game, you have all these accomplishments. I am curious, like, how do you see all of this playing into what you want to achieve through you know, things like your career or through your work?
I think even with you saying that when I've looked back on it when I've stopped long enough to look back on some of it always comes back to business-wise having this coffee shop or roaster or coffee shops. I enjoy the most being behind the bar and being on the floor and with the people and with the shoe store and the shoe company, my favourite parts weren't necessarily travelling but were the people at the shows in Vegas and the factories in assemble and Maine, and doing all the PR in New York and LA and stuff. I loved it. I loved that part. I'm able to say this now, going over spreadsheets and sitting in board meetings and doing staff, just management, meeting these things that require you to sit at a desk I've really had to accept. That's not my Mo and there's nothing wrong with me that I don't like to do that. But even just with helping people with projects, to answer your question, I've become an I'm making a quote for those of you listening to a consultant. I really, jokingly tell people when they ask what I do, I tell people what I've done wrong. Hire me to tell them what not to do.
Do. I mean, which is massively valuable.
If I would've had somebody tell me what not to do in the beginning of all my businesses, I would have saved a lot of heartache and relationships and money. And I've related this with you. Cause I remember when I first started it strive when you were doing this 30-day challenge thing, and you've got this video, I don't know if I've told you this, but you've got your phone and you're walking around and you're like, Hey if you want to do this 30 days, try it out. I'm like, who is this guy? Cause you turned into a little kid and you don't have your hat on Highland real big. And then I started to realize when you're doing stuff that requires you to be isolated in a hotel room, on a computer or at a desk or wherever it is that you're on a computer at a desk, that's not where you're thriving.
And I can relate to that to the extent of like there's, there's stuff like that we have to do. We gotta pay the bills and like that. But when you're on the ground level and you're at the gym and you're with people and you're helping people progress or become that sounds so trite, better people. That's exciting to me like to be on these phone calls and zoom and all that. That is what it is. But then to go to the person and they've hired me to help them start the business up or to, to build out a cafe or to put together their PR plan, put together their newsletter, their email newsletters, and do any sort of marketing and do any sort of building their website, just this stuff that can be really daunting to people in the very beginning that I really like enjoy doing. It's really fun to help people see and realize if they are not able to get out of their funnel, their tunnel vision to pull them out of it and step back and be like, let me help you see this bigger picture and let me help you integrate what we can right now so that you can attain that, or at least have the freedom of not being feeling like you're in the trenches all day, every day.
Yeah, I think the cool thing about that, going back to what you said a couple of minutes ago, about how you went through all these businesses and you had all these experiences and found out what you didn't love. You know, my perspective is that you had to have all those experiences to be exactly where you are right now so that you can help other people figure out, you know, that's the gift that you're going to give. And you had to quote-unquote, suffer through that so that you could really be on fire now and help other people too. You know, I try not to let people avoid me. I try not to prevent people from making their mistakes, because like you said, you and I have both learned so many lessons from those, but also maybe make it a little less painful for them and maybe a little more stress.
Yeah. And I think that's a big part of, I mean, people have said like, where'd you get your degree and everything. It's like, well, I didn't finish college multiple times. And I focused on writing and literature and poetry, but people have realized or said something like the street smarts, especially of business, or being able to help people from the ground up from startup to being in a place where it's like, time to scale the business is from doing it. You know, like 20 years of just, I don't call it a failure. It's hard. Sometimes when I spin out and be like, I've never really succeeded in everything. People think I'm so successful and I can't pay the bills. It's like, yeah. But what you were saying about what you've learned and kind of the backbone that's given you, but also the ability and capability to persevere.
There are words like that where people are like, how do you continue when it's like, everything's over, there's no way I'm going to turn this corner. And I'm dealing with that stuff. I'm dealing with it right now with the business of my business. One of my businesses where it's like perseverance, the ability to what's it called? Like if you run a marathon and you can keep going, what's it called? I'm short on your words. Endurance. Yeah, no, literally like I'm short on words right now. I'm on a cup of coffee. I need more coffee in the afternoon. Yeah, the endurance and the willingness and ability to not stop, even if it means you're crawling and you might be like prostrate on the ground and you're like, I'm done, there has to be something left in you to be able to get up and keep going.
And you can't learn that in a classroom. I mean, that's the thing that I tell people. It's like, they ask me why, well, what certifications should I go get? And what classes should I take and what degree I should get. I'm always like, go out there and do it. You might actually learn something like something real and valuable, you know, rather than try and you know, we all, and that's another thing of making myself less than I don't know enough. So I'm going to go to school. I don't feel like I can do this. So I need to learn more before I go do it. And it's like, no, man, you can do it. You know, everything you need to know, just get out there and do it. And you're going to fall on your face.
So let's just go ahead and get that right out of the way. I mean, I just closed down. I mean, fortitude in Austin, you don't want my baby, my original gym. I just closed it down and of course, I had a few moments of feeling sorry for myself. But at the same time, first of all, I learned so much about that business. I mean, it was literally like having a doctoral degree in, you know, cause you just learn so much and I'm thankful for that failure because that failure I'm going to if I have to eat that failure I'm gonna make it worth it. You know, I'm going to leverage that failure into something.
That's not easy to do. I remember us talking multiple times where it takes a lot more guts and strength. What was that? Neil Young about fading. It's better to burn out than to fade away. It's like, okay, let's cut it clean. Let's cut bait. Yep. We're done here. That's the man. That is hard to do. I've been lucky enough in settings like that where I can get bought out or I can sell it. Even if it's a fire sale and pennies on the dollar and God forbid I'm in another setting like that, but where it's right now, I'm sorry. I'm laughing. It gets to where it's like, if you don't take these risks, something that I've, when you just said that about closing that gym and we had talked about how hard that was going to be for you in the process of it emotionally, because like you said, you have the blood and sweat and tears that real quick, God bless the people that do go to college and get degrees.
And we need doctors and lawyers. My wife has degrees on the wall in her office and that gives her the beat, the ability to be able to counsel and to psychologically help people. And emotionally she couldn't do that legally or whatever without the degrees. But she really learned a lot through that and doing the practicums and going back and all this stuff that sucks. But it's part of it for that career. And that's what's in her heart. So she does those things. When I meet with people, in the beginning, people will hire me and say, I want to start this business. Here's my business plan. If they even have that, hopefully here's my budget. Here are my projections and everything. But I try to sit with them and ask them enough of these. I don't know, five to eight questions that I ask people to see if they're really up for it. Whether they have a degree for it or not, ask them questions. That test, whether they, like we were saying, have the endurance.
I heard you. You and I had this conversation one time and you had this really cool term for that. And I can't remember what it was.
It might've just dropped on the scene. I tend to ramble when the muse drops, what was it?
I can't remember now, but you called it like you were speaking about the quality of someone to become an entrepreneur.
Oh, I think I was using it to say something about the shining. That'll move you with like Jack Nicholson where that might not be it, but I've used this before, where I'll sit across from somebody and that can be a couple or a dude or a girl. I'm like either they have it in their eyes or not. They're crazy. Or they're not crazy.
Maybe it was because I've had these different feelings that I literally feel where it's like, there's a disease that said this one time and it stuck with me of entrepreneurship. Yes. And you have, I mean, it's like somebody that's like, you're not called like you're an addict or you're a gambler or whatever you have the disease of entrepreneurs entrepreneurial-ism is that the word entrepreneurship.
Whatever that is, whatever those crazy people that start businesses or you don't, then I can usually tell if not what the questions I can ask the person. And again, I don't say that. Pompously I say that I have it and sometimes you don't want it and it's exhausting and it can be detrimental for relationships and for your health and for sanity. But I'll ask people a few questions, are you ready to, this might mean you put your house on the line. This might mean this relationship with you. Person's not going to work. Let me just tell you what's happened with me and see if you have thick enough skin to handle this because nobody, nobody that has started a business anywhere, anytime that has done it from the ground up, especially without funding has gone onto the battlefield and just been filled with shrapnel.
It's not for the weak or faint of heart.
When people come and say, it’s beautiful, like I remember when I opened my first shoe store, I was like, it's going to be awesome. My brother and I did it. We're in San Francisco. It's going to be super cool. And then as we started to finish out the space and not sleep multiple nights and then the inventory and the shows and the customers and the staffing and everything, I was like, holy, this is rough. And then
This is what work really is.
Oh my gosh. I'm like, I don't want to say like, people have no idea what it's like, but until you've done that until you've been in those trenches and eaten as I said, that much CRO and just crawl in the dirt. I mean any, and even my brother and I, we were super tight and then it threatened our relationship. And then we were estranged for years because of a business. Yeah. But that's what I have to tell people they have to be ready for.
Is maturity related to entrepreneurship?
Well, and that's the other part of the business. That's the part that I've tried to let go of. You said something earlier that I thought was beautiful about business, it was in relation to attachment to your identity. And that's something that I've had to let go of. I've I had all those ups and downs, especially with fortitude when that was like, my only business like I had was, so it was like what, how that business was doing completely controlled my self worth, how I felt about people, how I, how comfortable I felt in social settings, like how people, how I thought people were looking at me. And I think the growth and maturity of someone who's gonna own businesses for the long-term, is really unattached, you know? I can run a business. I can give it to them, but I'm not me.
It's not me. And I'm not attached to the business that can do its thing and I can be independent of it. And I, and I can maintain myself and I think that's been an important skill that I've had to learn. And so four to two closing in fortitude, if what had happened, if Coronavirus had happened even five years ago, probably it would have devastated me, you know, it would have been like, I would have emotionally been just levelled by the whole thing. And so that level of growth is, you know, me being, having handled the whole situation. Like I did, I'm proud of myself. Sure. Because of that, I showed maturity to myself.
Well shifting gears a little bit, but kind of talking about the ups and downs of life, and you know, people listening have all different types of careers, they might be accountants, they might be counsellors like your wife. They are all different types of, we need them. Of course, we need the people. Yeah. if it was all entrepreneurs.
Would be fun.
Joshua’s Bigger Picture in Fitness
Well, can you imagine? But the thing that I'm curious about is how, especially in recent years or you, cause you mentioned earlier that you're in the best place, physically and health-wise that you've been in at least in a very long time, do you feel like that's contributed to your, your lifestyle, your career? You know, what's the bigger picture of your fitness and your health?
I think the bigger picture is not only being there for my wife and my kids.
Because in the long run, like yeah.
In the long run and even day-to-day where it's like if I make it a priority to take care of myself, and again, I know this isn't rocket science, but it's really hard for somebody that works. Doesn't stop working. I've had to learn how to stop working, how to turn it all off and then how to prioritize literally working out or how I eat, not so how I look, but so how I feel and accepting because I'm so often when you work as much as, as someone who has the crazy, do you lose the ability to be aware of to be present in your body? So I won't even realize I'm not sleeping or I'm not eating, or I'm eating really bad or I'm sleeping really bad. Or my workouts become flat. They become a punishment. I, myself, for things I'm dealing with or working out harder because I haven't worked out enough or in long enough time or because I ate now you're
Exactly. Yeah. I was going to say self-flagellating, but that sounds too much like flat flatulence. Yeah. So, I think that's a huge part of what's happened even in just this last 30-day challenge. We started where my wife was like, well, you and I were talking about, I had art, speaking of extremes, I had tried to do the carnivore thing out of nowhere. Paul, whatever his name in Austin is you know, am I dying?
Oh yeah, he's a salad, Dino. Yeah. I salad something like that. He's meat.
So I had just tried to start that and then I've just done so many stupid, crazy fasts and vegan and everything across the spectrum. And my wife's like, oh no, not again. I'd like to leave. But the difference this time that you just said is like, wait, this is for balance. This is for self-care. The purpose of this is so that I can perform and perform meaning for those around me. As you said, give, I can't give wholeheartedly or give without being aware of it. When you get toward your giving naturally without or habitually without forcing yourself to give or thinking, oh God, I have to give in this situation, I have to morph and push and bend myself to give. And by giving, I mean, help do the dishes, read to my kids at night, be present on the board call, you know, like that's what I mean by drinking enough water. That's what I mean by working out steadily and healthfully. That's what I mean by eating something at lunch instead of something else. So that I'm present being present, like we said earlier, and who you are and living from your heart, that's giving. So I think that's been okay.
This moment and my body and my mind and my soul isn't healthy at this moment. I can't give my gifts. It is the vessel of my vibration and my energy. And when this vessel is run down and broken, it's not vibrating.
Yeah. And that's, I mean, literally, you can realize that if you're on that vibration if you're in the right place like you're saying energetically and you're present, you're living from your heart, you can tell pretty quick when people aren't. And when they're not open or when they're unhealthy as a whole being, or when they might need help, the best way that I've seen is that you can help someone. And I've been helped by people is by being who you are and being present and being open, whether you're gregarious and all those kinds of things we said, or not the peace that someone brings and the vitality that someone brings by being who they are and not masked by what they think they need to be or should be, or have become out of self-protection or hurt or pain. Part of being who you are is having healing and seeking an unawareness of why do I behave that way?
So ultimately it comes back to, and my wife says this to clients, self-care when you take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. That's, I mean, that's the goal. So that's how my fitness has changed as I'm working out for the release and the feeling of it. Not just love at the end of it, the endorphin rush and just like, how hard can I go? I don't know why it's in me, but then I feel so much better for the day and for my kids. And then I eat better because I'm working outright. And then just now.
And that's what it comes down to for me, it's not fitness, having a purpose and whatever your purpose is and whatever you've decided your purpose is. But you know, I've gotten used to saying this is human optimization, right. And I'm not punishing myself. I'm not trying to become, you know, give myself worth or anything through my fitness or make myself attractive. I'm trying to optimize myself so I can give more of myself so that I can be the best. Like you said, with my family and my job or
That's different, isn't it, it's completely, you're not, this is funny. Cause I've wanted to text you. I have a couple of times. Then I have with me, what do you call them right now? Our partners are accountable. My accountability buddy, I'll be like, okay, yo, I'm at the movie. I was going to get a huge bag of Twizzlers and a Coke. And I usually eat popcorn and then eat my kids' milk duds too. But I got a bottle of water and literally, I didn't do all that because I would care about how I, how it would affect my bus. Normally I'd be like, come on, I'm not going to eat this so that I can attain this goal of this weight towards this fat to muscle ratio.
What you really say, it's because I'm not enough. Because you know,
How to Maintain Security
If you have to go there, well,
Keeping your weight really, right. My weight isn't good enough. My body doesn't look right?
Yeah. There's security. I have security around me, but I look in the mirror and I'm like, dude, no way, come on. But at the end of the movie and during the movie, how much better I feel and how I am better for my kids and I'm not in the car and snapping out of my, I don't have a headache. I don't feel bloated. We're good for dinner. I order healthily at dinner. I know again, that doesn't all sound like rocket science, but for somebody who, for, I don't know how many years, 30 plus years is not present in their body to then be aware of those things as like I'm Lazarus, you know, like some sort of awareness of being raised from the grave, enlightening wise gives me so much more able to love my wife, serve my wife, to love my kids, to be there for my friends and respond, not out of obligation and ultimately what might lead to feeling. What's the word resentful? It's like God, instead of that being open and full enough and taken care of enough to be able to respond and to be able to say like, Hey, I'm here. Even without saying.
I was just gonna say that they feel
That's right, exactly your presence.
But when your health isn't there, when you're not optimal, when you're not given the right energy, you're blocked. Right. And people
Feel that. Yeah. And that's just such a difference, that's such a paradigm shift from doing this too, to be able to run faster, to be able to lose this much weight or do it for people's lives that are that athletes and things like that. Right on for every day Joe, like us, is working-class, family, dad, or mom or sibling or a single person that is in a day-to-day life that they need to be there for people. They have to be there for themselves. Right. And that's not selfish. That sounds like it's the opposite of how it sounds selfish. It's not selfish to do that. So that can be
Altruist. Well, you're also lighting the path for them by showing them how it's done by being an example, by being a role model. Right. You know you're giving to them just as much as you're giving them, just by example. Totally.
You know, that, and that slips my mind, but it's happening because I'm being healthy. I mean, there has to be a balance to it. But I mean, Samuel, my son, he works out and eats healthy because I do, because he goes with me and sees it. And as part of,
Yeah, it's so awesome to have so for the audience that doesn't know Sammy, he comes to class, he's, he's just a ball of energy and it's just such a pleasure to have he's the most mature young man. How old is he?
Sammy's 13. The one I mean, because of his mother. The emotional intelligence and our home. And then him just being with me half the time, I'm like, who is this kid? Because he is open and fun and gregarious and loves listening to music and working out and stuff. But then he's also very soft and in touch with emotions and people and his heart.
He's the perfect mix of you and your wife. I mean, he has all of your guys' little, best cards. No, I mean, it's easy. He's I see both of you guys and he's, he's just an amazing all your kids. I mean, I remember you bringing your daughters to the ballet classes and just being so impressed with like, you know their energy and like who they are. And it says a lot about you and your Watson.
What you just said though. Me and my wife have pushed so hard in our home and our family for so long. We take care of ourselves so that we can be there for our kids. And then our kids learn to take care of themselves. And again, it's like, well, of course. And it's like, no. I mean, like in our day and age, especially when you can't look up from your phone, that's what you're showing them. So when you're showing them that you read and that you go outside and that you drink water and that these things that seem so rudimentary are really a big deal, especially in today's day and age it's a crime to get out of that.
Completely guilty. You know, it's so easy to get sucked into that. So I understand, you know, why people might do that. And I agree with you. It's just like trying to be like
What is meant by discipline?
When people say that, even when I've heard you say it, it's kind of a trigger for me because again, of religious upbringing or a cat, a Christian academy schooling and stuff, where, when people use the word discipline, I automatically kick into this kick my own mode, but that's not what it means. Discipline is turning your phone off discipline is it's not like I have to go to the gym and get shredded. Discipline is like, I'm going to wake up a little earlier. You guys, out of everybody, you and other people in our group too, for me is absurd. And I know I'm on the umpteenth day of the freedom of being able to just like free flow. We don't care what it is. I'm like, well, what about the margins? And what about the structure? What a Roman numeral 10, how do I it's like no dude, just write. And then the meditation is what you find that works there being, I guess, kind of some structure and boundaries that you can bounce off even feels negative to me, but it's like, that's not what it is. It's the ability to be in this big safe kind of bubble and bounce off the sides of it and become who you are right in the middle of this fear.
It's feedback. And it's being able to accept the feedback humbly, but then also being able to use that feedback structurally and benefit from it, that says that's a safe place to have that. That sounds cheesy. But in our, we even say in our family to feel secure, to feel safe, to feel steady, Sarah's taught me that and our family with meals and with bedtime and with how we just kind of function as a unit. I feel out at the gym, I feel that in healthy relationships with friends.
Yeah, it has some structure and some form. You know what to expect.
And again there are a lot of people who're like, of course. That's just kinda how it is, and for me, it's been really hard. I don't know if that's the addict in me or the manic or the athletic part of me, the entrepreneur I used to not even want to call myself that for years, I'd say, I'm not an entrepreneur. I just own a coffee shop. I just sell shoes, man. I'm not an entrepreneur. And then enough people told me that's what I am. But then I started to realize to a degree, there are some crazy entrepreneurs. That doesn't mean I went to Harvard or Stanford and then put together a huge plan and got all these investors and everything. Again, my hats off to people that do that. Sure. I mean, that would be amazing, but that's just not the way I scrapped.
Yeah. And like, there's a thousand there's with all of these ways of being, there are a thousand ways to do it. You just have to pick the one that works for you.
Or pick the wrong one and realized that wasn't the one, which is how I got through 999 11,
And then you end up, you eventually find the right one
Year there. I'm not there yet.
How to Find Balance in Life
I'll let you know. Well, as you know, so maybe as the last question is if someone who's struggling with finding their balance, finding their health, find their wellbeing of the way that they are going to serve the world and how they're going to find their purpose, where would you, you know, we can just start with, we could be with the fitness part, but how, what would you tell somebody who might be listening right now? How to get into a better place with their life?
Yeah. That's a huge question because I've done well. I mean, I've done so many things that I've had to do to bring myself back to centre and they're usually not enjoyable, but there's something in me where I don't, I don't have a choice I have to get back to the centre. And that might mean a treatment centre that black means a psychiatrist that might mean medication. That might mean exercise. It might mean dieting. You know, like there's just so many things that I think would pertain specifically to each person and where they are right now. I think as a whole, what I've done in every single situation, whether I have laid down my sword or not to be able to have some sort of spiritual connection with a higher power, whether it be like we said, magnetic energy, energy fields, magnetic stuff, multiple levels dimensions, or if it's God if it's Jesus to be able to surrender no matter what, no matter where no matter when and say, I need help.
Like I am either where you're like, I'm balanced, I'm in a good place. I'm, I'm rocking then say thank you, express gratitude to everything that's alive because you're alive. And you're part of it or grateful to God. Or if everything's really screwed up and you're hurting and you're in pain and you're spinning and in the dark or anywhere in between to be able to stop and breathe and just try to be present for a second. And if you can't then whatever is your higher power to say, I need help breathing. Like help me do whatever this path is. If you're singing it to yourself and that's what you need, your, whatever it is that you're, you have to be able to ask for help and direction and guidance. And that might be a brother or a friend or a sister or a stranger. The only way to ever make it through anything ever, even with my own kids, you have to be able to ask like, yo, I don't know what I'm doing here.
There is so much power. What you just said is huge because I've found this for myself, I've witnessed it in other people. There is so much strength and power in asking for help and admitting that you need it. And for having the courage to ask for it and rarely have I seen that result in anything other than progress at end, anything other than improvement.
No question or the realization that you can do it. Right. You just had to realize you could do it. I have not. And I'm very clear I can name it to this day. A majority of the people that I called and said, I don't know what a spreadsheet is or that I've said, how do I, I literally don't know how to turn this on. Or, and you just get to where you're like. I don't care. I don't have anything to lose in this. I don't know how to, I mean like the dude at our stop after this, but I remember this and I always use this. We had a cash register. Me and my brother at our shoe store in San Francisco. It's just a giant wall in this old photo studio. It's now a nice kick. There is a store there called nice kicks.
That's sick. But I had a giant piece of butcher paper taped to the wall and I made a huge graph out of a yardstick and wrote down our inventory. And when we'd ring stuff up with cash, we had a notepad that we'd write size 12 Adidas, a superstar sold one today with the date. And I would transpose it to that giant chart in the back until we finally met a bookkeeper, I hired her, she changed my life. She showed me how to do QuickBooks, how to do spreadsheets, how to pay bills, AP AR I had never heard of any of that, but that is an example that I love to tell people that are just getting started, where they're like, I'm very, that that whole process is very daunting to me, but I want to open a coffee shop so listen to this. Right.
That's, I hope everybody listening took a second and just caught what he just said. The two most important things are getting started. However, you get started, just do it and then ask for help early and often, and right there, that is how you are going to achieve 90% of your goals.
Right? Well, on that note real quick. Yeah. If you can shadow anybody in anything that you want to do ever, that is doing it. Like I go back to when I was a busy boy and I would start at different restaurants watching how the dudes that have done it for a long time, do the dishes and load the rack and the process of how they close the machine. And when they open it and where they stack, what and where they take to, how they mop to how they close the place. You know, when you get a job being trained by someone that's there to do it. If I could've gone back and shadowed somebody that owned a coffee shop or a coffee roaster or a shoe store, I mean, like I always, or shoe company, everything I did, I just jumped in deep, in full force, drowning, whatever. I don't suggest that some people are built like that. But what you just said, it's like, if I was going to open a gym and I was willing to say, yo, Nathan, can I just come to follow you for days? There are people like you or like me where you're like, come on.
Because that's a form of asking, well, that is asking for help. I mean, just observing is admitting that you need some help and that you need to learn some things
I can help you avoid hundreds of pitfalls I've had or help you do something. That's not mediocre. Because there's so much out there that's mediocre. We don't need another blank. That's done kind of half-ass right. We need things to be better for the people that are, I mean, for the clients, for the people that are partaking in this kind of food or this kind of gym or this kind of footwear, it's like, don't you want to do what's best for them because you're on the other side of that too.
And that goes all the way back to what we talked about earlier for me is when you shift it from, Hey, look what I can do. Hey, look at what you know, let me show you my value. Let me show you my worth to, Hey, I want to give, serve and help. That's what of course, you want to be the best when you're looking at it as like, I'm trying to give you something, that's when you it's, I think more of like a beat I want to give you the best thing as opposed to, it's why people become mediocre when it's just it's all about me.
Or it's just like, let me just do what I can to get by. Don't then don't do this right. If you're just going to do that and get out of the way. Just because there are people trying to do things better, not bigger, not, well, there has to be more advanced and huge, and it's like, no, just more beneficial. What's just better and do it from your heart. So that it is an extension of you. You were saying that earlier about somebody not being at the business and it being able to function on its own and as well. That's awesome. And that's proof of a good boss and CEO and manager and everything. But I also think to an extent, if it's your heartbeat, if it's your face, if it's your DNA, that's caused it, it really is. There's nothing like the owner being there.
Being the Technician
Oh, totally. And there's got to be balanced in that. I still, to this day, my favourite part of the gym business is the coaching. I mean, that's when I'm on fire when I'm the technician, I'm the one right there. I feel the best. I feel like I'm connecting. I feel like I'm teaching. I feel like I'm serving and there's no better feeling.
How cool is that though? That’s your job, you know when you can have pistons. Yeah. That's how I feel, where it's like slinging coffee or something where I'm connecting with these people. And I love it. Just a zoom meeting before this. I'm like, I helped align these things with this person and I was part of it and we connected and we enjoyed it and I'm helping him pursue his dream and his vision that I know is going to be amazing. I can tell he's created for this. Let me help. And then that's your job.
Cool. It is. It's the coolest thing ever. And I will say for anyone, who's an aspiring business owner out there or aspiring entrepreneur, I will say that what we couple of things that we've said during this conversation are the ability to plug in and give and to serve and the ability to unplug and unattached to it and, and go on a vacation and have no worries, have no stress. If you can run a business like that and you can find it within yourself to be that kind of business owner you've made it. And you had to balance that you're going to do great, that's a success. Yeah, sure. Well, as the last question what do you wish I had asked you about, what do you wish we had talked about that, that we didn't talk about
Him and asked me
What is your sign
Dumb? I'm a Libra.
I do know I'm a Leo, you're a Leo, I'm married to Libra. And when we were in San Francisco, we had a guy do our charts, our moon or whatever, because he was like, go, you guys can't be married and was like, wait. And it was already not easy. We were just a few months in and she's like, why? I know like, dude, please. Don't I remember the guy and when he came, but he brought all these papers.
His number two,
I want to beat him up. No, he did all these things and he's like, okay, when were you born? Where were you born? What time? Okay. Here are your moons. You're compatible. And I'm like, oh God, like it would have mattered if he said we weren't, who knows no offence to people that live by the soul, celestial, whatever. But I think
There's something to it.
Do too. But that's hilarious because we're 21 years in every day or just like, we have trouble when we have trouble. What's it called? Reality. We're always like, dude, how did we connect? Like, we like the same stuff. We enjoy doing the same things. We enjoy each other half the time. We're like, how did we find each other? So that's cool. You're like, what did you not ask me? I'm a Libra. I don't know. I don't know what you didn't ask me. I couldn't think of any.
Well, that's good. I just wanted to make sure that we talked about anything you wanted to talk about.
I don't know if I would have thought of it. I would have, but it's just, I just want him to laugh.
Well, I am so grateful for you, you have given so much to me, you have been such an inspiration and I'm so happy to now share your gifts with the audience, to anyone who's listening.
I feel the same towards you just saying I love you, man. I'm happy to share any of this at any time. Oh, well there's something black in the consulting company I started with. We should have
Asked you about BlackLine
Consulting ATX as an Austin BlackLine consulting atx.com is the website. And really, it just gets to where you can get to me. If I love to help people with anything and everything I can.
What Joshua wants to give through Blackline consulting?
So what do you want to give to the world through BlackLine consulting? What is it that you, that you're w what you're trying to get?
I think, where it's just like, if I can help you get to where you're trying to get with fewer failures, that you might not need to learn, or just to confirm that you're on a path that I think based on my experiences is the right path. I mean, my giving is helping people and I don't, that could sound cheesy and I'm not talking about missionary work and stuff again, that stuff's awesome. But for me, it's just like helping people do what their dream is to do. Work-Wise because I believe, and this is another conversation that work is who you are and your heart, and we're, we're created and designed to work. And our work should bring us pleasure. And that sounds opposite of probably what a lot of us have learned, but if I can help people find work that is a pleasure for them, that brings pleasure, then that blesses everybody.
So, is there any particular type of industry that you work with? Do you you know, like, so if people someone's listening and they're thinking about hiring you, who's your ideal time
Per client? I mean, because I've started service industry stuff, and whether it be retail or food or coffee, I'm not bad at those things. But I really, I mean, I'm, I'm a pretty open book. And if I can't help my favourite part, actually, now that you've said that is to connect people.
I was just going to say, you've, I've seen you do that so many times, and you're a natural, it's like, one of your first inclinations is like, I know this guy. I want to introduce you to that guy. And everybody benefits and, and yeah. And you know, so many people. So if people are looking to get connected in their particular industry, they should call you for sure. Cause you probably know somebody that you can connect them with.
I roll a Dex and I'm just accepted. This is golden. So a lot of people that do hire me or pay me to do something I introduced them to everybody. They need to be introduced from coasts to other countries too. I mean, a CPA or bookkeeper all the way to real estate and builders and music studios. And this band needs this bass player. I mean, it's just, it's really funny and awesome because having lived behind a bar or in a shoe store on the floor all day, every day, it's not politics. I care about these people and they care about me and we know each other, we know each other's families. They trust you. I'm like, I can't. Yeah. They trust. And I trust them. Because we've known each other so long and served each other just in having a solid relationship that it's like, almost anybody can ask me for anything. And I'm like, cool. Here's their cell. And that's so cool and fun. Like I do people when people go, you're a connector. You're going. I'm like, okay, Malcolm Gladwell, whatever. Cool. I love that. But it's like, if that's what I need to say, I am Sherman. If I can't help you, I have. And part of hiring me, as people say, these are the five things I need. I can connect them with those five people and then guide them into how to work with those
People. You can integrate the system
And that's so cool and exciting and fun. When you asked me that, I'm like, what do I do? It's like, that's what I do. It's like, what do you need? How can I help you get there? You're like the Wolf
And the Wolf,
We talked about the army being cut down. What do we do to fix or
Call the hole in the mafia they would have called you the mechanic.
The mechanic that'd be so sick. If my card said that, or if people just started saying like, Joshua's the Wolf man, don't do that. Cause then that'll, I'll make that my image pull up in like Cadillac with my dumb, what do we need to do here? Let's clean this up.
And one of the best scenes of any movie ever, by the way, my nephew actually, here's a question for you. What's your favourite movie of all time?
I feel obligated to say the godfather the first while, but I mean just cause it's like, well, of course, if I know the film, it's the God to man. I really love the first Batman and I really love Edward Scissorhands. Nice. I know that's a Tim Burton kind of direction, but I love something about both of these, the nostalgia of them, but the content of something like Edward Scissorhands, like Sarah and I can watch that. It's just one that we always go back to and it's just power
So well done. Not enough people appreciate Edward Scissorhands. I mean really any Johnny Depp movie.
Don't mind. He's not hard to look at. No, he's a hard
To look at, but he's a brilliant actor obviously.
And he's gone a little south, but God bless him. What about you? Where are you going to sleep?
A big Tarantino fan. So yeah. So you were talking about poll fiction, which I always say is my, my hand sounds my favourite, but and you know, the nineties, early two thousand Tarantino movies.