#4 - Prioritize What Matters
A lot of people struggle with pleasing people too. And I know that, like I said, it's just the direct path to living a life that you're miserable in. And you're unhappy in, and ultimately leads to the least amount of success. Given your natural abilities, your natural talents, your natural skills.
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So often in our lives, we get caught up in you know, how we've been socialized or how our culture brought us up, whether that be through our family or the country we live in or our profession. We often believe that we have to do certain things. The truth is, you don't have to do anything. We certainly have pressures from our family situations or from our work, our boss, our coworkers, our social networks that we are obligated to do certain things, but it's actually not true. And this is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. You get sucked into or I should say I get sucked into, working tons of hours because I feel like if I'm not producing, I'm not worth anything, or I'm not doing good enough.
I'm going to achieve enough. I know pretty much everybody listening to this podcast right now has similar pressures. I feel like we feel obligated to do certain things. I've spent the majority of my life being afflicted with the condition of pleasing people. I am naturally a people pleaser. I have my you know, I have my theories on why I'm that way, but I've also talked to a lot of other people who struggle with this too. We feel like we need to make sure other people like us and appreciate us and respect us. And in my personal opinion, and in my experience, it's actually the source of the most unhappiness. It leads to this feeling of obligation, like I just talked about and it ultimately allows other people to be fully in control of our lives.
It allows them to be in the driver's seat versus us being in the, taking full ownership of our own lives and putting ourselves as the captain and the director of our lives. So I realized that a lot of people struggle with pleasing people too. And I know that, like I said, it's just the direct path to living a life that you're miserable in. And you're unhappy in, and ultimately leads to the least amount of success. Given your natural abilities, your natural talents, your natural skills. I read a book a few years ago called the subtle art of not giving. And there was one part in particular about this book that really resonated with me. It was a section where it talked about essentially every night, he imagines that he's going to die that day.
And that might sound a little morbid, a little depressing, but in fact, for him and for me, the result of it was that it actually provided hope and gave me light and gave me a different perspective on how I should approach each day. And really the lesson from the book is, and how I've tried to move forward is that nothing's promised you never know what's going to happen in the next five minutes, the next hour, the next day, the next two weeks, it's just not guaranteed. And we've all been surprised by an event in our life. And certainly we've heard stories or even experienced with the level and a sudden passing, right? And so the idea is that if the, we become robots and we become mechanical, and we just do things that we're always obligated to do, we're really missing opportunities to to give love, to serve other people, to take advantage of opportunities as they, as they come across our radar across our lives.
And so one of the things that I try to talk to people in my life about. I coach my coaches on how to prioritize what matters at that moment. It requires a bit of being able to respond to things rather than react. You know, when an event happens, someone comes to you, they say something to you, or you see an act of some sort taking a second to just pause and ask yourself in this moment right now, what actually matters, how can I show this person love? How can I help this person move forward? Or maybe there's no one else involved. Like for yourself, you take a second and say, what really matters for me right now? I know I struggle with this, just even with parenting you know, your kid does something that you don't appreciate or is acting out.
And we often are just trying to control them rather than taking a second pausing, asking, you know, where's my opportunity to be the best parent that I possibly can for this person's future. And this isn't different, any different than the other adults in our lives and how we essentially parent ourselves we're always nurturing that inner child and having to control that for ourselves. So, I encourage all of you listening to this podcast to develop a practice that works for you, that, that allows you to take a step outside of the normal flow of life that we get sucked into a trajectory, and to pretty much in every moment consider what actually matters and how can you interact in that moment in a way that you'll be proud of in a way that has meaning, if you know, after tonight, you don't wake up.
How do you want to have responded to this situation or in this moment, and really there's no correct answer to this, but what it produces this perspective produces is living a life that you love consistently treating people the way that you feel like they should be treated, not how you think other people think you should be treating other people. You know, it produces a life that allows you to engage in activities that you love doing in ways that you feel proud about as opposed to just doing what you feel like everybody else wants you to do. So this could look a lot of different ways in your life. I know that we all, you know, we all struggle with and where a lot of our dissatisfaction with life comes from, whether we're aware of it or not is just from essentially being asleep. Just going through the motions, doing what we were told, doing what everyone else wants us to do, and not doing, being in full control, being.
In the driver's seat of our own lives and getting to choose what we feel is important. So I hope this helps you all out and we'll talk to you in the next episode. I'm so grateful that you joined us for this episode of doing the work podcast, providing you with value is why I do this. And I hope you got something out of this episode that you can put into action into your life. If you enjoyed listening to this episode, please share this episode with your friends and family who are looking to level up in life. Sign up for our email list at www.doingworkpodcast.com to receive special offers and discounts from our sponsors. Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify, YouTube, Amazon, and anywhere podcasts are hosted. Thanks again for joining the, doing the work podcast, and we'll see you on the next episode.